The next Wednesday that followed, I exited work at the same time of night. “Bye, Derek. Have a good night!”
“Thanks, darling. You too.” Derek replied. I noticed Derek looked off into the distance toward Nick hanging out under the weeping willow. His face grew a curious look upon it. “Hey, Erin. Are you okay to walk home? I can give you a ride after you help me clean up,” he grew a wide smile as I turned around quickly to look him in the eyes.
“How much will you pay me? I don’t know if it’s worth it,” I smiled back. Derek and I had a running joke going about how one night I would stay to help him clean up the library.
“I’m just a little worried. Come here.” I walked back a little to be closer to him as the volume of his voice lowered. “You see that young man over there by the tree,” he paused, “I think he might be loitering and I don’t want something to happen to you.”
“Oh, that’s Nick. It’s fine. I met him a while ago.” I tried to keep my voice steady as I grew nervous since my crush was nearby.
“Yes, but how well do you know him? You have Jim to think of as well,” his eyebrows raised as his voice smoothed out. My stomach became uneasy with nausea.
“I’ll be fine, Derek. I know what I am doing.” The truth was, I didn’t. I was scared and anxious. My instincts were leading me down a rocky path and I didn’t know how to stop them. Part of me wanted Derek to step in and help me end it, but another part of me wanted to see how far it would go.
“Well, you be careful. Young men have a way of getting what they want.” He gave a little wink in my direction as I waved goodbye, walking toward Nick. Derek was the custodian worker for the library and I often saw him around town. He’d stop when he saw me walking to say hi, invite me to lunch, or to go fishing. He was an all around decent guy who wasn’t afraid to clean an old dusty library as his job. I looked to him as a friend as well as a father figure. My father, Don Rogers Jr., was never much of a talker. Whenever I would ask him his opinion, his response would be, “Whatever your mother says.” Because of his lack of involvement, my mother, Jane, had much of the control of the household. She saw my birth as a way to live her youth again. In order to please my mother, I tried to be perfect and do everything my mother wanted. My special knack for pleasing my mother turned me into a people-pleaser.
“Fancy seeing you here, again,” I remarked.
“We really should exchange phone numbers. It would be a lot easier than stalking you all the time.”
“Why? You know where I work,” I replied.
“But you don’t know where I work and live,” he looked flirty and intrigued at the same time. Oh, he was so cute. I couldn’t hide my smile as it appeared almost instantaneously.
“I’ll find out eventually. Plus, not knowing much about you makes you more mysterious.”
“Baby, you’re mysterious to me anyway,” he chuckled.
“Baby?! Is that how you speak to a woman?” My voice squealed a little in a way I wasn’t used to. I had never been as outspoken as I was around Nick. The person I became in his presence felt like a stranger to me, but also oddly familiar, like it was who I was meant to be.
Nick smiled, “You’re not a woman. You’re a goddess.”
“There’s only one God, and I am definitely not Him,” I retorted.
“I wouldn’t want you to be. I am attracted to the beauty and the brokenness inside of you.”
“There’s a whole lot of broken and less beauty,” I clarified.
Nick touched my cheek, cupping my chin at the same time, and lifted my face toward his, “Not the way I see it.” As he stared into my eyes and he invaded my personal space, I quivered a little and felt a wetness develop in my panties. I hadn’t been turned on by a man’s touch for over a decade, and this moment was making me weak in the knees. The sexual tension was already building.
“I don’t know if I know you well enough to give you my phone number,” I calmly explained.
“Well, how about I’ll text you mine, and then when you are ready, you can text me yours?” he offered.
“But I would have to give you my number in order for you to text me.”
“Precisely. It all works out,” he agreed.
“O…k… But if you become a real stalker, I will block you,” I firmly stated.
“That’s more than fair,” he responded with a sly smile.
“860-533-8881,” I looked away as I said it and completely missed him adding me as a contact into his phone. It’s like I was under some kind of spell where I forgot all my common sense.
“Hey, beautiful,” Nick texted. I looked down at my phone to see the new message staring at me like a temptation. “Now just save me as a contact and you’ll have access to me anytime,” he said with a wink.
My fingers responded like it was an order that had to be taken out immediately. “Do you really have nothing better to do than to hit on married older women?” I asked with a little sarcasm in my voice.
“Hey, in all fairness, you are the only woman I hit on, period. The married part is a mere stumbling block and the older part just makes you wiser. When I look at you, I only see you. No age number or marital status changes who Erin is.” He came across so open and honest. I loved how he said exactly what I needed to hear, not just what he thought I wanted.
My cheeks changed to the color of rose at his compliment, “I’m still trying to figure out who Erin is.” Nick smoothed out my hair and let his thumb catch onto my earlobe as it slid by. I adored the way he played with my hair. The shivers and tingles it induced enticed me even more.
“I think you know, but you are afraid to act in accordance with your true self.” Maybe he had a point. I used to know who I was as a child. I loved animals of all kinds and playing house and school. My stuffed animals were on a rotating schedule of who got to sleep with me to ensure everyone had a fair chance. I loved math and science, but writing and telling stories were truly my passion. Whether it was in songs, with toys, or with pictures, there was always some truth for me to tell. Somewhere I had lost myself. Jim hadn’t helped my journey of self-discovery. I had become co-dependent on him. He enjoyed it, but I didn’t know how to break free of my own prison.
“I think I’ll part ways with you here. It’s not like you don’t have another way to contact me now, if you ever want to use it that is…”
“Oh, I’ll use it. Trust me.” The firmness in his voice put me at ease and made all my insecurities disappear.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” I challenged.
“Oh, you’ll see it. I’ll be blowing up your phone. Just you wait and see,” he ended with grabbing my hand gently and kissing the back of it like I was a princess. I felt like I was swooning. My body felt like gelatin as if I was melting into him. I wanted to immerse myself in his words and couldn’t wait until I received more of his texts. The anticipation was excruciating as we parted ways after that romantic kiss which I wished was so much more. Patience, Erin. Patience.
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